NRA Calls for “More Guns, Less Students”
After the horrific tragedy of the shootings in Newtown, Connecticut, Wayne LaPierre, executive Vice-President of the National Rifle Association a.k.a. the NRA, finally broke his silence on the matter.
“The solution is clear,” he said yesterday. ”We need more armed guards and less students in schools.”
“The solution is not banning assault weapons and enforcing background checks on people purchasing the weapons. There are way too many unarmed people in places that should be armed to the teeth. Actually, it would be much easier if no children were allowed in school at all. Not having an education hasn’t affected most of our members…”
Rep. Louie Gohmert (R- TX) sided with LaPierre, adding that children should also be given guns to defend themselves from big government at an early age. ”If you want any further comment, I will be in my compound,” he told reporters today.
Nationwide, people have pointed out that stronger security in public schools would not have saved the lives of people killed in the movie theater in Aurora, CO or even in the shootings at Fort Hood in Texas.
“Well that’s easy,” said LaPierre. ”Give the movie ushers assault weapons. And as for military bases – soldiers, never trust your comrades in arms. Lord knows, I don’t!”
In related news, gun manufacturers have denied any association with the NRA. ”Their organization gets their funding the traditional way – large anonymous donations by concerned corporations.” The representative then added, “you’re welcome.”