Many Conservatives Oppose Non-Men in Military
After the Pentagon lifted a ban Thursday that had barred women from serving in combat for some front-line units, many Conservative groups expressed their disapointment.
“But let me be very clear on the subject,” said Herbert Wells, leader of the Coalition for a Whiter America, “we are not opposed to women per se, just anyone who is not a man. Those would include anyone wearing skirts, able to bear children, or who would have a vagina.”
House Speaker John Boehner said, “the GOP desperately needs more support from women, so I gladly endorse any Conservative who feels that only people who are not men should be able to join the front line in combat for our country.”
“But as for the homeland, we still feel that anyone, including non-men, should be able to defend themselves with assault weapons. There are those that say this would be a double-standard, but thankfully, those people would not be anyone who is a member of the Republican Party.”
“Non-men have been defending our country for too long,” commented John McCain. ”If I had my way, I would ensure that they would stay home and take care of the children, run the household of men, and generally adopt the traditions handed down through history as the weaker sex. Oh, and bringing back petticoats wouldn’t be such a bad idea, either.”
In related news, the GOP has announced they will be starting an inquiry into what exactly defines a “rape”, an “assault weapon”, and “climate change”…