President Barack Obama announced the end of the war in Iraq, and pledged to bring back all American troops by the end of this year.
This news sent a wave of fear through the GOP. “This kind of thing was not expected to happen this soon, and if we had our way, not at all,” Speaker of the House John Boehner said. “It’s a travesty of justice, in that it’s our version of justice, and of course, the Obama administration is a travesty.”
The recent news, and protests such as Occupy Wall Street, have threatened the very fiber of our nation, claims the GOP. “If you do the math, 1% is really a big number, since none of us can count higher.”
Republicans have voiced astonishment at the prediction of the end of the world today by radio evangelist Harold Camping. “As far as we’re concerned, he was right! Who knew?”
In related news, both Dick Cheney and George W. Bush have taken credit for the end of the Iraq War. “You’re welcome,” they stated in an interview this afternoon.