9. I’m giving the American people free pizza coupons.
8. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I’m ready for some pussy.
7. I’m gonna be on Dancing With The Stars.
6. I’m still running for President, just not of the United States.
5. My wife is filing for divorce.
4. I’m starting a new phone chat line that starts with 999.
3. I had an affair with Sarah Palin.
2. I had an affair with Michele Bachmann.
And the Number One Possible Herman Cain Announcement…