Today the U.S. was once again astonished by an announcement by presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich. “If I am elected president,” Mr. Gingrich said, “I will appoint former U.N. Ambassador John Bolton to be my Secretary of State. No, really. Stop laughing.”
This shocker came after his last announcement that he would welcome an endorsement by Donald Trump, and also attend Trump’s upcoming GOP debate this month in Ohio. “I figure that I am a shoo-in for his endorsement, because as it stands, I will be the only hopeful attending.”
“It’s remarkable,” commented one reporter. “The U.S. is once again astonished by something Mr. Gingrich has decided. It’s a clear indicator that the presidential battle has already begun, and all the Republicans can offer are lemmings.”
A recent poll conducted also reflects the disbelief of the American people. 65% of people polled can’t wait for another “dumbass move” by Gingrich, 25% can no longer take politicians seriously, and 10% feel that Gingrich has a fighting chance because they watch Fox News.
In related news, the Democratic Party has responded to Mr. Gingrich’s recent announcements by “not lifting a finger or giving a shit.”