THIS JUST IN!

Donald Trump fires himself from debate-hosting duty – “I was unruly, not up to the task, and pompous. Who hired this jerk?”

Republicans push tax cut bill through House but with oil pipeline provision, “because we have to maintain our reputation as dicks…”

Charlie Sheen accidentally tweets his phone number publicly to Justin Bieber, unwittingly opening dimension to Hell…

Federal safety investigators urge all states to ban texting while driving, but banning crappy drivers still under consideration…

People polled say they would consider Newt Gingrich as possible nominee if he would cut ego by 85 percent…

Quitting Facebook considered “cool”, having life still debatable…

 

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By clavius42

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