THIS JUST IN!

And then there were six…

BREAKING: Michele Bachmann leaves presidential race.

IN MEMORIAM
Political Career
2011-2011

Speaking as a humorist, I am deeply saddened.
This is dedicated to you.
Here’s your parting gift –

 

Michele Bachmann calls Republican opponents ‘frugal socialists’. “I have no idea what it means, but it sounds bad!”

Michele Bachmann names Donald Trump as possible running mate, securing the “No Way In Hell” vote…

Michele Bachmann says “the U.S. embassy in Iran would be closed under my watch, right after I ban nuclear weapons in China!”

Michele Bachmann says that she supports “waterboarding”. “Marcus and I are very much into watersports!”

Michele Bachmann expresses anger over repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”; husband Marcus has no comment…

Michele Bachmann says she has no idea if the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation, “but like my colleagues, I’m not concerned with facts.”

Michele Bachmann is offering Spotify invites to anyone who will pay attention to her in tonight’s debate…

Michele Bachmann’s rebuttal to President Obama’s speech on jobs was available exclusively to remaining Netflix subscribers…

Nationwide poll suggests people like what Michele Bachmann is not saying…

Michele Bachmann wants to drill Everglades for oil; even Florida Republicans think she’s batshit crazy…

This just in – Women polled predict Michele Bachmann’s hair to be front-runner for 2012 presidential nomination…

Michele Bachmann does not advocate progressive thinking. “History has taught us…and we need to put a stop to that.”

Michele Bachmann says Hurricane Irene was message from God that Washington needs to change policies. God quoted as replying, “cut it out”.

Michele Bachmann blames her fact checker on Elvis Presley birthday gaffe; sources reveal Michele Bachmann is her own fact checker…

Michele Bachmann insists that “submissive” means “respect”. “In fact, Marcus always chooses my ‘safe word’…”

Michele Bachmann says that if elected, she plans to rid the American people of big government, homosexuality, and common sense…

Michele Bachmann assures the American people that her migraines will not affect her performance should she get elected, but the American people might suffer migraines if she is elected…

Clinic owned by Michele Bachmann and husband tells gay patients to “pray the ‘gay’ away.” The American people ask, “How do you pray ‘stupid’ away?”

Michele Bachmann vows the first thing she will do if elected will be to enact bill giving her right to not answer questions…

Michele Bachmann says that World War II could have been avoided had the Japanese not bombed Pearl Bailey…

Michele Bachmann declines New Jersey high school sophomore Amy Myers’ debate challenge, citing unfair learning curve…

Rep. Michele Bachmann says that a government shutdown could be avoided “if they just rebooted…”

“I’m running for President…”

 

 

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By clavius42

One comment on “THIS JUST IN!

  1. Well, this is a Thanksgiving moment. A little late, but we are no less thankful. At least those of us with functioning judgment. Bless her heart, now Ms. Bachmann can go back to being ‘the tip of the spear.’ Not a very sharp tip, of course.

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