WASHINGTON – Today GOP presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich had a public breakdown, admitting that he couldn’t remember if he was supposed to be bashing President Obama or Mitt Romney. A representative for Gingrich explained, “We are not admitting that Mr. Gingrich has scripted responses, but it is true that he mixed up who he was supposed to decry.”
“I can sympathize,” says House Speaker John Boehner. “When you’re a total dick, it can be confusing sometimes as to who to place the blame.” Other colleagues of Gingrich have voiced their support, claiming that “if you’re selective when you’re an asshole, it is possible to lose track. Which explains why we condemn the President for pretty much anything he does. We like to cover our bases.”
Gingrich said later after the public display that he was unapologetic for the episode, because that’s how he rolls. “I’m not sorry for my behavior, or any behavior by myself, because as much as I want to lead the American people, as far as I’m concerned, they can fuck off.”
In related news, Rick Perry was informed by his advisors that Seattle was not in Washington, D.C.