THIS JUST IN!

Mitt Romney reveals tax records, saying “I hope this finally convinces the American people that I am just like them, if they were also insanely wealthy…”

Simon Cowell breaks off engagement after two years. “Her choice was terrible, an abysmal start, and a disappointing finish…”

Senator Rand Paul refuses airport pat-down, cites “avoiding any contact with regular people…”

Steven Tyler revealed to be first singer in new series to mangle National Anthem for 2012…

Romney wins New Hampshire, Santorum wins Iowa, and Gingrich wins South Carolina. Looking forward to the “scissors paper rock” debate…

It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

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By clavius42

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