MIAMI, FL – After news of Mitt Romney’s win in the Florida primary, political rival Newt Gingrich held a press conference with those members he did not ban, in which he proceeded to jump up and down and stomp his feet, having a temper tantrum, followed by what many called a “prolonged hissy fit”.
“All you Florida people are wrong wrong wrong!” he said. “I wanna be President and I know what’s right and you’re all a bunch of stupidheads!” He then called on a translator, who expressed Gingrich’s discontentment in Spanish. He added, “Fine! Be that way! You’re not gonna get a darn moonbase from me!” Then to everyone’s amazement, he turned away from the press and grumbled.
Romney said that Gingrich had not called him to offer congratulations, in a traditional display of decency. “Apparently he didn’t have my number, or I put a call block on him, I can’t remember just now.” When asked about whether his status as a millionaire and partner with Bain Capital would eventually do him in, he replied, “I’ll betcha $100,000 that it all goes away! Or I’ll fire the people who are supposed to make that happen! Now what verse were we on? Oh…oh beautiful for pilgrim feet…”
Herman Cain, who recently endorsed Newt Gingrich, commented that he was disappointed with the results of the primary, but also said that he demonstrated an act of civility by calling Romney and offering congratulations, and offered to endorse the governor if he returned his call.
In related news, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum were seen getting blitzed at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter…