Santorum Has Breakdown, Admits He Was “Once A Hispanic Woman”

 

ATLANTA, GA – On the eve of Super Tuesday, one of the top GOP presidential nominees made a startling announcement. “I can’t take the scrutiny anymore – I was once a Hispanic woman! And that’s why I am against minorities and birth control!”

Speaker John Boehner was actually relieved about the revelation. “As members of the Republican Party, it is our job to be hypocritical, usually because we have been there ourselves. Also, I couldn’t help but notice how great his skin was.”

The other nominees were mixed in their responses. “I for one blame the poor,” said Mitt Romney. “But they do make great cars, so I plan to not blame the poor next week.” “It’s a shame that he is no longer a Hispanic woman,” said Newt Gingrich. “But I will give him my phone number anyway.”

Santorum further admitted that his real name is Ramona Santora, and he/she was born in Guatemala, but wished to clarify that “at least I wasn’t born in Kenya!”

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By clavius42

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