WASHINGTON – After Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu’s comparison of the possible Iranian nuclear threat to that of ducks, all three leading candidates informed the American people of their plans.
“To use waterfowl in this way,” said front runner Mitt Romney, “is a travesty, and as president I will not stand idly by to watch them used as weapons instead of my Friday supper.” He then attempted to contact the Iranian ambassador about the possibility of a “mint sauce deterrent”.
“Obama has dropped the ball on this one,” commented Newt Gingrich. “There should be no more hand holding. The day I am elected president, the fourth, at the very least, fifth thing I will do, is to ensure that all Iranian nuclear duck stockpiles will be destroyed, along with most of the cities, in accordance with what George W. Bush would have done.”
Rick Santorum, GOP nominee and pursuer of the armless sweater vote, said today that “if I am elected as President, I will do what Obama has failed to do – rid the men of America of the nuclear duck threat. The women, of course, are on their own.”
When asked to comment on the measures announced by the candidates, President Obama declined to answer on the grounds that he could not stop laughing.
In related news, the author of this article exercised extreme restraint in not including any duck puns, but wished to add that he winged it, and if anyone is disappointed, they can bill him…