WASHINGTON – Today the two top Republican presidential candidates admitted that they actually agreed on one thing – the words inscribed on the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty must go. “They refer to the acceptance of tired, poor, huddled masses – people who stand in the way of the ideals of our investors,” a representative for the GOP said.
“I am not saying that the monument should be removed,” said Rick Santorum at a rally. “But I do not condone the words and emotions of this erection created by disease-spreading French. I also condemn women for inciting disease-spreading erections.”
“It’s a bold step,” said Speaker John Boehner. “These so-called ‘poor’ people are using their situations to influence the American people, when they should be spending that time getting jobs.”
Santorum opponent Mitt Romney weighed in with his comments. “As long as this doesn’t affect the people who are cutting my lawn, cleaning my houses and pools, and maintaining my cars, I stand by what I believe to be true. Also, when I refer to “the people” I am actually referring to Pedro.”
The GOP is also planning to submit a bill to change the wording on the Statue of Liberty from “give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses” to “if you are willing to fund our causes, welcome! If you have oil, we will bomb your country!”
In related news, Newt Gingrich was allegedly spotted on the campaign trail, but witnesses later admitted that it may have been a trick of the light.