WASHINGTON – Startling figures came out today for people suffering the newest health threat, “foot in mouth disease”. The majority of the victims have turned out to be Republicans, most notably members of the GOP.
The disease is characterized by a “sudden violent upswing of one’s right foot into their mouth after saying something utterly moronic”. “It’s a growing phenomenon,” said one medical expert. “Needless to say, there has been an incredible surge of cases since the Republican presidential debates last year.”
The latest victims include presidential candidates Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum, and in an unexpected case, actor Robert DeNiro (surprisingly, in this case, his left foot was lodged into his mouth instead of his right). These people have joined the list, which also includes lifetime sufferer Rush Limbaugh. “In my defense,” said Mr. Limbaugh, “I personally blame this condition on the freedom hating Liber—-mmmph!”
In related news, a recent poll showed that 85% of Americans doubt that anyone working for Fox News could be trusted to sit the right way on a toilet seat…