WASHINGTON – In a surprising announcement by House Speaker John Boehner, Mr. Boehner divulged that “whatever the President does now is okay by the GOP! If one of our candidates doesn’t get elected, we are confident that Barack Obama will do whatever is best for the country in his second term!” Mr. Boehner then added, “whatta guy!”
Several members of the GOP echoed their approval, and also decided it was a good idea to “knock down partisan walls and come together as a whole Congress, making decisions, and putting aside petty differences”. “After all,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said, “it’s not about us, it’s about the American people!”
The Tea Party has decided to disband and instead form an “education coalition” to help the education system in any way they can, “and our first step will be to study history and also learn how to spell”.
The GOP also made a historic decision to support climate change, or as they prefer to call it, “global warming”, in order to make sure that big businesses will fund ways to save the world because, in Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s words, “it’s the only planet we’ve got.”
In related news, there have been numerous sightings of pigs actually flying, and the Devil is reporting record freezing temperatures in Hell…