IN MEMORIAM Newt Gingrich’s Presidential Campaign 2011-2012

Take comfort in knowing you never had a fucking chance.

from the archives…

Newt Gingrich allegedly spotted on campaign trail; witnesses later admit it may have been a trick of the light…

Romney leads by 15 points in Florida, Gingrich still trailing by three wives…

Herman Cain endorses Newt Gingrich – “When it comes to family values, our interests are both waist high…”

Newt Gingrich says he will skip debates if audience members he paid can’t participate…

After numerous revelations, Newt Gingrich says “people in Washington will stop at nothing to remind voters who I am, which may be a problem.”

Second wife says Newt Gingrich wanted “open marriage” arrangement, “because he felt that he just wasn’t being dickish enough…”

Newt Gingrich promises that if elected, he will do to country what he did to his wives…

People polled say they might consider Newt Gingrich as possible nominee if he would cut ego by 95 percent…

Nationwide poll suggests Newt Gingrich sustaining positive campaign akin to flight of pigs…

Newt Gingrich says we should make English the language of government.
Why start now?

Newt Gingrich mocks Fox News; in related news, dog bites hand that feeds him.

New Hampshire newspaper endorses Newt Gingrich, saying “of all of the dickheads campaigning, he truly sets the bar…”

Newt Gingrich becomes front runner for GOP; in related news, The Devil reports freezing temperatures…

Herman Cain doesn’t recall the sexual harassment settlements.
Newt Gingrich can’t remember receiving $1.5 million from Freddie Mac.
Maybe it should be called “a Republican moment”…

Newt Gingrich demands apology from NBC, saying his campaign’s staff shake-up was not caused by his wife, but by simply being a schmuck…

By clavius42

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