NEW YORK – After yesterday’s failure of what was anticipated to be the financial event of the year, the GOP announced that they are placing the blame fully on President Obama.
Presidential nominee Mitt Romney said today that “if the President had concentrated on the Wall Street crisis, instead of focusing his strengths on the gay marriage issue, this kind of presidential sloppiness wouldn’t have happened. It just goes to show you that the President is out of touch with America. Also, he was born in Kenya. And he’s friends with Jeremiah Wright. There! Did I cover everything? Now will someone please be my Vice President?”
There is also speculation that Obama may not have had anything to do with it. Sources say that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg had solicited financial advice from JP Morgan Chase chairman Jamie Dimon. Mr. Zuckerberg had no comment, but it has been confirmed that shortly after the debacle, Dimon changed his Facebook status.
“It’s a clear indicator that Romney will defeat Obama,” said House Speaker John Boehner. “If history has taught us anything, it is that these kinds of shady financial dealings should only be in the hands of the Republican party.”
In somewhat related news, Ron Paul says he will not be pulling out of the presidential race, but has confirmed he has successfully escaped from reality…