After the discovery today of what is believed to be the building block of the universe, the Higgs boson particle, many religious groups have struck out defending their views of creationism.
“The discovery of this by ‘scientists’ at the ‘Large Hadron Collider’ in ‘Switzerland’, is just another stunt by Atheists to prove that ‘God doesn’t exist’, and it also gives me a chance to use ‘air quotes’,” said a leading Christian evangelist.
“If history has taught us anything, it’s that large groups of people will latch onto anything to give their lives meaning, no matter how ridiculous it is, which is why I still have a job.”
The Higgs boson is thought to hold the key to one of the mysteries of the universe, which is the question of why things have mass, which has the Catholic church up in arms. “We have been having Mass for centuries, and no one has asked us why. Next they’ll probably discover something that questions our credibility, as if we had any left!”
The GOP declined to comment on the find, only to say that “if people start believing facts, scientific or otherwise, we may be out of a job…”
In somewhat related news, Sarah Palin wished everyone a happy 4th of July – “It was this day in history when Will Smith defended us from aliens, and Obama tried to tax us by throwing boxes of tea into the Hudson River…”