Romney Picks Paul Ryan for VP, Secures Second Term for Obama

Today GOP nominee Mitt Romney announced his much anticipated pick for his Vice President.  “I have selected Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan, and together we will form America’s Comeback Team, in that people will probably want to come back to Obama now.”

“Remember that dickhead who introduced that budget plan which would effectively kill people’s medical benefits?  He’s my guy!” said Romney in this morning’s press conference.  “True, he tends to maintain his views without changing them when it suits him, but we’ll work on that.   And folks, he has a great singing voice!”

When asked for a response from the White House, Press Secretary Jay Carney said that President Obama “wished to extend his thanks to the Romney campaign for making sure that he would be guaranteed a second term.”

House Speaker John Boehner is among the many members of the Republican Party who expressed a different reaction.  “It is news such as this that compels me and my colleagues to apply our palms to our faces, and also to fight back the urge to whimper uncontrollably.”

ABC revealed that their coverage of the upcoming November debate has been canceled, due to the actual event being canceled.  Many states have also said that the voter ballots will only feature presidential selections as 1) Barack Obama 2) Barack Obama 3) Barack Obama and 4) Mitt Romney (just kidding!)…

By clavius42

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