Hello! You may remember me, the chick from the great state of Wasilla, and maybe you saw me at the convention a few weeks ago? Oh yeah, never mind about that last one.Sarah Palin here, come to talk to ya about what your campaign really needs.
From one person who gets blasted for stupid things they say to another, I think it’s up to me to put the cards on the table and get down to brass tacks, ’cause the meter’s running high and the sun isn’t shinin’ on ya, dontcha know!My advice to you, Governor Romney, is to go rogue! Yep, that’s it! America needs a “come to Jesus” moment, and you’re just the person to do it! (come to jeezus
, mind you, not heysoos
– forget about that Hispanic vote)
You’re in hot water with your own party! It’s time to knuckle down and shout about the true state of our economy! Believe me, the louder you say it, the more people will ignore what’s really going on. Trust me on this.
To put this whole thing in historical perspective, you gotta be Moses, comin’ down from Mount Cyanide, delivering those commandments! The Tea Party writing that Magna Cum Laude, establishing prostitutional law! You need to sign that Declaration of Codependence, granting equal rights to slaves (on second thought, yeah, forgot about the African-American vote, too)! You’re Paul Revere and the Raiders, riding those British, ya know, right outta Gettysburg! ‘Cause of course, the British had the address wrong.
My ancestors created the right to bear arms so I could, ya know, shoot lots of animals. And John McCain, bless ’em, couldn’t stop the Civil War, but gave ’em a run for their money! Maybe you can use his example!
Mr. Hopey Changey up there in Washington, he couldn’t even remember how much our national debt is when he was on Letterman! Even my 10-year-old daughter knows that it’s a trillion something! Of course, she’s also my financial advisor. Obama and his cohorts are using dangerous things like facts, even explaining things to people! Is that what you and Ryan are about? Nope, I didn’t think so.
Bottom line, Governor Romney, you need to put your foot down, and unleash the pitbulls of war. Turn this thing around, and show America that you’re taking the horse by the reins, and it’s no more dressage for you! No sir! (by the way, had to look that word up – horse dancing, right? Like that Korean rapper guy?)
Of course, if it doesn’t work out for you in November, just know there’s always a place for you on Fox News, Rely on your allies, like Fox News. I mean, they have been around for at least two hundred years! They just weren’t on television before it was invented.
And never rule out your own reality T.V. show. Look what it did for that Honey Boo Boo girl!
Sarah Palin, Inc.