Hello. I am a Pulitzer Prize-winning syndicated columnist, political commentator, and physician. But most of you know me as a distinct voice for Fox News. My opinions have reached several million loyal Conservatives, and I am an ardent supporter of nominee Mitt Romney, and of course, his VP Paul Ryan (p.s. call me).
As a member of a party I hold dear, and a life-time member of the Charisma Society, headed by GOP Chairman Reince Priebus, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you why I thought this week’s Democratic National Convention was a dismal failure.
First, and I cannot stress this enough, God was not mentioned in any speech until DNC Chairman Antonio Villaraigosa put it to a vote. God should always be mentioned in any speech during a convention, particularly in speeches made by the GOP, as history has taught us that mentioning God is a useful way to pull focus from actual issues affecting America. Bless ’em.
Secondly, moving the President to a smaller venue for his speech just tells us that not only does Obama have absolutely no control of America, but he has no actual control over the weather. Everyone knows that you need to check the forecast at least a month in advance. It’s a tradition that started with the Farmer’s Almanac.
Last but not least, I felt that Obama delivered a masterful, well articulated speech, as well as Bill Clinton’s, but aside from mentions of actual numbers, facts, and plans to fix healthcare, jobs, and focus on women’s rights, nothing crucial was said.
We have two men who will change the way America works just waiting in the wings, prepared to turn this country around. And when I say “around”, I mean a straight 180 degrees backward. The Democratic Party prides itself on its slogan, “Forward”, but what has going forward actually accomplished? If you are a regular and devout viewer of Fox News, then you know just why forward thinking is a danger. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I haven’t witnessed any actual thinking done by the on-air talent.
I think we as a nation should support Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. They are a fresh alternative to what makes this country great. And if they are indeed elected – who knows, I might even crack a smile.
But I wouldn’t bet any money on it.
Sincerely (isn’t it obvious from my face?),
Charles “Mr. Excitement” Krauthammer
*this is not actually a piece by him, it is in fact, satire. Duh.