Chuck Norris Warns America of Impending Apocalypse if Obama is Re-Elected *

Recently Chuck Norris and his wife Gena released a two-minute YouTube video warning of “1,000 years of darkness if Obama is re-elected”.  “1,000 years of pain and suffering!  That’s equal to a marathon of Walker: Texas Ranger and all of my movies combined!”, he explained.

Norris added that, if the GOP did unseat President Obama in November, he would promise “a Total Gym Workout System to everyone, in lieu of healthcare”.

“It’s my little contribution to a country and political party I hold dear.  I feel that it is my task to promote this important message to America.  It’s your choice – Armageddon, or a new and better way of life.  And by the way, The Expendables 2 is out in theaters now.”

Fox News recently scheduled an entire day of running the video repeatedly, but there was confusion among viewers, as no one could tell it apart from the regular programming.

Norris also said that he would have loved to speak at the recent Republican National Convention, but was relieved when he saw Clint Eastwood already do what Norris had planned.  “Of course, there would have been more butt-kicking,” Mr. Norris added.

In YouTube news, the Chuck Norris video was beat out by videos featuring cats singing Born This Way, a salute to the Emergency Broadcasting System, and Rick Astley’s music video “Never Gonna Give You Up”…

* sometimes the actual headline doesn’t need any embellishment

By clavius42

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