In response to President Obama’s comment asking if Mitt Romney was planning to bomb Iran if he was elected, Romney’s campaign responded quickly to the accusation. “The Governor has no plans to bomb Iran at this time.”
Romney called a press conference to clarify what his intentions are. “If I am elected – and I want to make this perfectly clear – I have no desire to just bomb Iran. Hey folks, I’ll bomb whoever gets in our way – I’m not picky.”
He also stated that if he had the technological resources, “bin Laden would be alive and kicking, and Iraq would be swarming with American soldiers”.
“It’s not a popular plan, but I didn’t run for President to be popular, as recent polls clearly show. It’s not a question of reversing everything Obama has done, it’s my need to do so.”
Romney feels that if he is elected, America will go back to old fashioned values. “I remember the good ol’ days – when wars were started and not finished, women had no rights, and people were ostracized for condemning the President – and that’s why I am appointing Dick Cheney as one of my advisors. But I won’t be going on any hunting trips with him.”
Paul Ryan responded to Romney’s claims at a rally. “I won’t say that I am a big fan of what Romney is planning, but I will say that I will be more than happy to replace him when his intentions backfire. And for that, he gets my full endorsement for President.”
In related news, the GOP was reported to have held a meeting whereupon all members threw their hands up at the same time and then joined in a session of uncontrollable whimpering…