The spreading problem in Florida, namely questionable voter registration forms filled out on behalf of the Florida Republican Party, attracted attention last week. A number of forms contained misspellings, addresses which did not exist, and even names of dead people as voters.
The GOP quickly went to the rescue. “This is a clear violation of dead people’s rights,” a representative said today. “Just because someone passes away, does not give a person the power to stop them from voting. Corporations, as well as corpses, are still people.”
“As to the misspellings and non-existent addresses, we blame Twitter and Apple Maps, respectively.”
Paul Ryan announced plans to introduce legislation called “creative citizenship”, which would enable dead people of all races and creeds to vote in November. “These people need a voice, and the Republican Party should do everything in their power to help them. Give them jobs! Would Obama do anything for these working stiffs? I don’t think so!”
Florida Republican officials fired Strategic Allied Consulting, the company they had hired to register voters, but say they will not dismiss the possibility of enlisting the company again. “Their methods may not be sound, but if we get rid of everyone who illegally supports our party, we might as well get rid of SuperPAC’s, too.”