DENVER – Pundits have already declared that Mitt Romney won his first presidential debate with President Obama, but many argue that the real winner of the night was moderator Jim Lehrer.
“Romney’s responses were delivered in a natural speech, with clearly defined reasons why he wouldn’t answer anything,” said Chris Matthews. “I kept waiting for Lehrer to ask Romney, ‘Governor, would you please answer the f**king question please?’, but Lehrer kept his cool. I would have jumped onstage and wrestled Romney onto the ground, but that’s just me.”
“Moderating Romney and Obama was tough,” said Lehrer in an interview today, “but it did give the American people a chance to finally make their minds up. And if they’re still indecisive after what they saw last night, maybe they should consider some sort of therapy.”
Obama celebrated his wedding anniversary with his wife before the historic debate, and Ann Romney gave Michelle what many called a “warm hug”, but was largely considered “an embrace from a Terminator”.
The President admitted that he was a bit awkward, but promised to be on his best behavior in the next debate, “only if Jim Lehrer would be moderator again.” A top Romney advisor said that the governor would be pleased as well, but recommended that Lehrer still not expect him to answer any questions.
In related news, Big Bird was seen flipping the bird to Romney.