After Fixing Everything on Day One of Presidency, Romney Contemplates Rest of Term

During a stop along the campaign trail, Mitt Romney confessed to his advisors that after day one of his presidency, when he approves construction of the Keystone XL pipeline, signs executive orders boosting drilling and repealing Obamacare, develops a long-term plan to solve the problem of undocumented immigration, drops the lawsuit against Arizona for its measure cracking down on undocumented immigration, signs another executive order sanctioning China for unfair trade practices, reinstates the “Mexico City Policy,” which bans U.S. funds from going to international family planning organizations that provide abortions, submits a jobs package to Congress containing five bills and demands that the legislature act on them in 30 days, reduces the corporate income tax rate to 25 percent, reinstates the President’s Trade Promotion Authority to facilitate negotiation of new trade agreements, explores opening more land for drilling, looks at taking federal programs and returning responsibility to the states, and finally cutting non-security discretionary spending in the federal budget by 5 percent, he might have way too much time on his hands for the rest of his term.

“Governor Romney believes that a promise is a promise,” said one advisor.  “The American people will get exactly what they want from their new President in twenty-four hours, and he’s never backed down from something he claims he’ll do.”

Romney’s family members have expressed their concern, particularly Tagg Romney.  “I may have to shoulder some of the burden once I punch Obama in the face.”

Paul Ryan has said that he has also offered his services to help the newly inaugurated President, even with his busy schedule of removing health care benefits and ensuring implementation of transvaginal ultrasounds in medical facilities across America.  “And of course, someone has to get rid of all abortion clinics,” said Ryan.  It will be a busy day for me as well – it’s a good thing I’m in such good shape!”

Political analysts are amazed at the stamina that Romney will need to fix everything in America on the first day of his presidency, but some say that when that day comes, he will probably claim that he does not recollect making any of the promises he made, and take what his advisors have described as “a much needed vacation”…

In related news, the Romney/Ryan campaign is going after the new demographic “binders of women”, focusing on Playboy and Penthouse…

By clavius42

One comment on “After Fixing Everything on Day One of Presidency, Romney Contemplates Rest of Term

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