Tonight’s final presidential debate before the election in November will be a big event for all of the twenty-four hour news networks, and there is much speculation as to what the candidates will be talking about.
“We know for a fact it will be about foreign policy,” said a source at CNN, “but what they will say about the subject is up in the air, but that won’t stop us from predicting what they’ll say. Hey, we gotta fill time just like any other news network!”
MSNBC says that Obama and Romney are most likely to “say stuff and most likely argue a lot”, but “it’s too early to say at this point”.
One thing is for sure, however. “Whatever the debate outcome is, Chris Matthews will yell a lot.”
CNN will also be tracking the debate with a new state-of-the-art “visual CG blackboard graph chart thingy”, that will accurately follow speech patterns of both Obama and Romney, and compare them with what historic presidents like Abraham Lincoln and Dwight Eisenhower would say. “Every time one of them says something, it will show up on the thingy, and one of our reporters will magically be taken back into time via technology pioneered by James Cameron, to interview the actual presidents,” says Wolf Blitzer. “I’m personally wetting myself at the possibilities.”
Fox News also is getting into the technical ring with a special system devised just for tonight which will play Handel’s Messiah after everything Romney says, and replace anything with what Obama will say with “blah blah blah”.
“It’s a big night for us,” said one source. “The fate of the nation will be decided tonight. It will be an historic event for us. Oh, and it’s also a good thing for the candidates, too…”