Karl Rove Considers “Witness Protection Program” After Obama Win

Days after the historic re-election of President Obama, Karl Rove has been getting “questionable threats” from many sources who funded his Crossroads GPS PAC.

The Koch brothers, among many other financial contributors, have expressed their interest in “whacking” the political consultant and frequent Fox News guest.

“Obviously I have a lot of apologizing to do,” said Rove.  “So I am strongly considering the congressional version of a ‘witness protection program’.”

The controversial program, named CYA, offers a politician or political advisor a new identity and location to start his or her life over in relative seclusion, and anonymity from financial donors and/or supporters.  Many people have considered CYA, including former president George W. Bush.  Many other people have also suggested that Bush should have used the program.

A lot of money was trusted to Rove to ensure that Obama would not have a second presidential term, and these financial backers (some still anonymous) have vowed retribution.

“I think it’s time for Rove to get outta town,” said House Speaker John Boehner.  “And with Mitch McConnell up for re-election soon, it might also be a good idea for McConnell to join him.”

“It’s time to put away our partisan differences, and open the doors to our Democratic brethren.  And I want to make it perfectly clear that I did not arrive at this decision because the President kicked our collective asses.”

In related news, sources report that Mitt Romney was seen in the Cayman Islands spending some much needed quality time with his money…

By clavius42

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