Today members of the GOP suggested that their party should finally succumb to the realities of American society by announcing a complete “reboot”. “To begin with, we are calling for the official removal of John McCain,” said former Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour.
“After a long and proud career, we feel that it is time for McCain to step down, and relinquish his duties as commentator for our party. In short, McCain needs to shut the f**k up,” said House Speaker John Boehner.
Newt Gingrich added, “we have to re-examine our priorities by retooling the party message to appeal to Latinos, women and working-class people. We need to upgrade antiquated “get-out-the-vote” systems with the latest technology. Teach candidates how to handle the new media landscape. And most of all, we need to not be total dicks when we’re doing these things.”
Much has also been made of recent comments by Mitt Romney claiming that Obama offered “gifts” to minorities in order to secure the election. But the GOP has concluded that one of the main reasons that the party lost the election was because they chose Mitt Romney.
As to the first radical decision the Republican Party has for the proposed “reboot”, McCain was unavailable for comment, as he was on television “rallying against some other damn thing”…