Barely a month left before the “fiscal cliff,” Republicans and Democrats are in talks to avoid the across-the-board tax hikes and spending cuts that could possibly throw the country back into another recession. But as usual, both parties are at an impasse.
“It’s a stalemate as of now,” House Speaker John Boehner said today. “Total dicks from both sides are doing what they do best – nothing. But many are asking us to do nothing much sooner than expected to resolve this issue.”
Mitch McConnell and John McCain say that they are prepared to activate their “anti-gay-marriage-women’s-rights” rant in order to divert attention from things that should actually be concentrated on at this time. “Obfuscation is also our weapon,” said McCain. “If we say what we mean, how can we in good faith call ourselves a Congress?”
Many political critics are skeptical that anything will be done by the deadline. “I wouldn’t be surprised in the coming weeks if they created a ‘Super Duper Congress’,” said one journalist.
In not-at-all related news, Mitt Romney said his lunch with President Obama was not what he expected, much like the election. “It was civil, in good taste, and settled some very important issues. If I had been elected, I promise that it would have been a very different situation.”