South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley (R) has selected Tim Scott to replace Sen. Jim DeMint, after DeMint announced his leaving in order to head up the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank.
“I feel that my talents are better suited to the Foundation,” explained DeMint. “And my first plan will be to remove the word “think” from anything that I will be involved in.”
Scott gratefully replaced DeMint today, saying that he would carry on the idiotic ways of his predecessor. “Don’t be fooled by the color of my skin,” said Scott. “I am just as hard-headed and ignorant as anyone in my party.”
Scott is known for being a fervent Tea Party supporter. He also vowed to impeach President Obama, tried to pass legislation to cut off union members’ children from food stamps, and has defended Big Oil. He is also an ardent proponent of guns.
“Senator Scott is a welcome addition to our party,” said House Speaker John Boehner today. “There was speculation that we would not be able to find a bigger douche than DeMint, but Scott fits the bill nicely.”