WASHINGTON – After a grueling period of avoiding major issues and delaying votes to prevent the “fiscal cliff”, House Speaker John Boehner extended his wishes for a “prosperous new year” and a request for the American people to “please stop hating Congress”.
Approval ratings at an all-time low and many recommendations from various citizens for members to “get their collective heads out of their asses” have caused Boehner and others to ask for mercy.
“I am confident – the whole year of 2012 not withstanding – that we will turn over a new leaf this year, and you can all expect a full 360 in our actions,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell today. “It won’t be the same ol’ same ol’ – but the same new, same new.”
The Senate voted 89-8 early this morning to approve a last-minute deal to avert income tax hikes on all but the richest Americans.
“Let us be very clear,” said Boehner. “Our total focus has never been on preventing higher taxes for the wealthy. The middle-class is the most important factor in this deal, and their welfare is essential to the country, whether we like it or not.”
Critics are suggesting that the averted “fiscal cliff” will not be the last debacle of the new year. “We are projecting that during the next twelve months, at least three to four decisions will be made,” said a White House insider.
“But that’s being really optimistic.”