Fox News Reports Inauguration May Make Romney Loss Official

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Today Sean Hannity of Fox News said that tomorrow’s inauguration of Barack Obama for his second term could possibly mean that GOP candidate Mitt Romney will not have won the presidency.

“We have nothing confirmed, but that never stopped us,” said Hannity.  “I believe that tomorrow many of our viewers will be astonished that Romney was not, in fact, elected.  We are projecting that the elderly and people with more than six cats will be suitably alarmed.”

Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson is not optimistic about tomorrow.  “I am guessing that once the truth is revealed, our only topics will be gun control and the ongoing argument that Obama will eventually lead us all into the hellish abyss.  But I just got a new outfit, so that in itself will keep our program light!”

Sources close to Mitt Romney say that the former Governor and unsuccessful candidate is declining any invitations to appear on news programs without his money.  “They have a bond – they have been through an emotional time together, but offshore investments never fail to keep Romney smiling.  It’s like a huge teddy bear that no one in the middle class could afford.  Or as Romney calls it, “sanctuary”.

In somewhat related news, the NRA has officially named today “Gun Appreciation Day”, but some say it should be called “Humanity Depreciation Day”…

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By clavius42

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