Rick Perry Admonishes Wendy Davis for Not Being a Man

AUSTIN – Rick Perry held a conference this morning, discussing Sen. Wendy Davis (TX) and her breakthrough filibuster of an abortion bill Wednesday.

“Clearly she is not thinking about what the impact of her beliefs would have on the men in Texas, and that is probably because she has made the mistake of not being a male politician,” said Perry.

“When it comes to women’s rights, what little I think of them should not be opposed – people voted for me for a reason.  I am Governor of this great state because Texans want solid leadership, a voice for issues, and — um, oh man, not again!”

Many women have blasted the Governor for his disregard of their rights, among other things. “I think Mr. Perry has a specific agenda in mind,” said Ms. Davis.  “But unfortunately it has nothing to do with something I like to call ‘reality'”.

Perry fired off a response to claims that he doesn’t understand or even appreciate women.  “I have been around women all my life,” said Perry.  “I’m almost certain that I was born because of one.  But that would have to do with biology, and since I am putting together a bill against it, I can’t comment any further.”

Representatives for Perry said they wanted to assure his supporters that his plan to run again for President was still underway, “at least until his medication kicks in”.

In totally unrelated news, the Mars Rover Curiosity reported possible evidence of Edward Snowden’s whereabouts…

THE ‘N’ WORD

Okay, let’s get it out in the open.

Paula Deen said something derogatory twenty years ago.  Then she admitted that she did.  Then she apologized.

Then she got fired.

So okay.  For those of you who have never called anyone something derogatory and/or used racial stereotypes, read no further.

Gee, looks like everyone’s still here!

See my point?

Many people were brought up in families that were bigoted because that was the way it was back then.  They probably didn’t understand it, or even like it, but that’s how they were raised.  But some chose not to learn from their prejudices, and instead wished and caused harm on minorities, exacting cruelty because their minds weren’t open to acceptance.

Paula Deen has never been involved in any anti-racial activities, nor blatantly and frequently referred to someone in a derogatory manner – her only “crime” was that she once called someone a horrible word because they held her at gunpoint.

Trust me, if you are ever held at gunpoint, you are bound to utter many words you don’t utter normally afterward.

So it’s a terrible word, and should never be used ever.  Except as it has been frequently, sometimes as a show of friendship.  And no one has ever used it.  Never wanted to.  Except for the multitude of people who post it on the internet and use it in memes.

And they never apologized.
And they still have their jobs.

Paula Deen’s condemning is not about bigotry – it’s about refusal.  Refusal to let something go.

Why don’t we all?

NEED TO SHOW

Recently there has been a great furor about a guy who leaked information from the National Security Agency’s database, called PRISM.  This system contains detailed information about everyone and everything, and many are up in arms because it violates our ideas of privacy.

While I agree that such a violation is wrong, given our society in this twenty-first century, is our privacy really such an important issue anymore?

On Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and Google Plus people share photos of their family, where they live, what they eat, even where they travel.  Thousands of people – many of them total strangers – have access to what you’re feeling, who you spend time with, even what you like, simply by reading your posts.

There are a multitude of apps whose sole purpose is to enable you to share every moment you capture on your smart phones.  Personal is quickly becoming an endangered species of a word.

There are many examples I could share with you, but one has always come to mind first and foremost, and it starts with a photo of a cup.

This photo was shared on Google Plus, publicly, and the cup it showed contained urine.  It was a photo of the user’s urine sample.  This person had stopped to take a picture of their sample, presumably in the clinic’s bathroom, and asked everyone who viewed the photo what the color of the urine meant.

That’s right folks – this person wanted opinions of one of their bodily fluids from total strangers.

Even before the advent of social networks, this kind of behavior would just be so wrong on so many levels.

We have apparently become so needy of other people’s attention that we simply disregard our privacy, our most personal thoughts, our friends and family, in a desperate bid for attention.

Is there such a thing as privacy now, and more importantly, does anyone still feel the need to protect it?

Ask yourself this.  And be honest with your answer.

Just don’t share it.

Marco Rubio Criticizes Marco Rubio’s Immigration Bill

WASHINGTON – Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) voiced his disappointment with Rubio’s own immigration bill today.

“The security of our borders should not be left to the machinations of this so-called Senator,” Rubio said.  “It is this kind of ineptitude that is harming the Republican Party, and I will not stand for anything Rubio proposes in the future.”

“As the bill stands, I won’t vote for it,” retorted Rubio.  “I hope that Sen. Rubio is not trying to please both parties, because it doesn’t work, and Rubio should know that.”

In a rebuttal, Sen. Rubio took himself on with claims of obfuscation.  “I honestly don’t know what Rubio’s intentions are, what with his pointless rhetoric and ambiguous statements.”

Rubio was unavailable for comment.

Republicans Asked to Return to School, May Have Missed a Few Things

WASHINGTON – The White House announced today that they will be sponsoring an innovative new program designed to re-educate members in the Republican Party.

“If there ever was a time to enlighten the GOP, the time is now.  Maybe the reason why a lot of the members are so against educational programs is just a cry for their own education,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney.

“‘The baby is the largest organ in the human body’, ‘legitimate rape’, ‘God intended it to happen’, and now Sen. Chambliss’ remarks that ‘hormones cause sexual assault’.  These comments are the reason why one of the longest classes will be biology, because apparently it didn’t take the first time.  They may have missed a few things.”

Senatorial candidate Joe Miller (AK), voiced his objections to the suggested program.  “I for one feel insulted.  Clearly this is a blatant attempt by the Democrats to feel superior to my party, or at least that’s what I read on the Tubenet.”

Newt Gingrich said that he had similar comments, but was unable to voice them, as he was still trying to figure out the smart phone.

“Is it a phone?  It’s still a mystery,” said Gingrich.

In somewhat related news, Glenn Beck sent a telegram to House Oversight Committee Chairman Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California), praising his theories.  “It’s like we were separated at birth,” said Beck.

Megyn Kelly Feels Sorry for Any Woman Working for Fox News

NEW YORK – Fox News host Megyn Kelly is in an uproar after comments made by Lou Dobbs and Erick Erickson about a study which showed that more women than ever were the sole or primary breadwinners in their households, insisting that it signalled a terrible new trend for civilization itself.

“What kind of sexist pig would say things like that?” roared Kelly.  “I am deeply offended and so should any female who is stupid enough to work for Fox News!  Makes you wonder what political party they support, doesn’t it?”

Another Fox News host, Greta Van Susteren, echoed Kelly’s rant against the sexist comments made by her colleagues.  “To even believe this sort of thing in this day and age – how primitive can you get?  What’s next?  Persecuting politicians and minorities just because of racial differences?”

Lou Dobbs offered his rebuttal earlier today, saying that “anything that I or Erick Erickson may have said was probably taken out of context.”

“But seriously, what do you expect from Fox News?”

In somewhat but not quite related news, Sen. Ted Cruz (TX) feels energized about his political career.  “I don’t like my party and they don’t like me.  It’s a great start!”