WASHINGTON – The White House announced today that they will be sponsoring an innovative new program designed to re-educate members in the Republican Party.
“If there ever was a time to enlighten the GOP, the time is now. Maybe the reason why a lot of the members are so against educational programs is just a cry for their own education,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney.
“‘The baby is the largest organ in the human body’, ‘legitimate rape’, ‘God intended it to happen’, and now Sen. Chambliss’ remarks that ‘hormones cause sexual assault’. These comments are the reason why one of the longest classes will be biology, because apparently it didn’t take the first time. They may have missed a few things.”
Senatorial candidate Joe Miller (AK), voiced his objections to the suggested program. “I for one feel insulted. Clearly this is a blatant attempt by the Democrats to feel superior to my party, or at least that’s what I read on the Tubenet.”
Newt Gingrich said that he had similar comments, but was unable to voice them, as he was still trying to figure out the smart phone.
“Is it a phone? It’s still a mystery,” said Gingrich.
In somewhat related news, Glenn Beck sent a telegram to House Oversight Committee Chairman Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California), praising his theories. “It’s like we were separated at birth,” said Beck.