GOP Admits Guns Do Kill People – Just Nobody They Care About


After much media pressure, NRA CEO and Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre held a conference today to make a statement, claiming that he was speaking for members of the GOP as well.

“We are willing to admit, along with our supporters, that guns do in fact kill people, but we are still not concerned, because the people who have been affected by gun violence have not been anyone we care about,” said LaPierre.

“Once someone close to us – say family, friends, or shareholders – is killed by guns, then and only then will we take a stand.  This also applies to the possible need of medical benefits for the above mentioned persons, as well as has been proven in the past, discoveries that our sons or daughters are homosexual,” explained House Speaker John Boehner.

Fox News also revealed that they have “contingency plans” for any such possibilities.  “We are developing fund-raisers, gut-wrenching docudramas, and even panels with concerned Republican mothers and fathers, should the need arise.  And of course, we are fully prepared to blame any concerns on Obama.”

In somewhat related news, Sarah Palin spoke on a morning show against Benghazi, and also talked about her new book, “Saving Christmas, and More Importantly, My Celebrity”…

By clavius42

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