Recently, national news networks have been likening Healthcare.gov – the website created so that people can sign up for affordable healthcare insurance – to the devastation of Katrina, the Holocaust, and now, the “impending Apocalypse”.
“People died in all of these events,” said Sen. Ted Cruz. “The fact that people haven’t actually died or suffered from using the website doesn’t mean that it’s any less responsible. We have to think of the American people, and more importantly, my supporters.”
CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer says that there have been overblown news comparisons to every major event in recent history. “Who can forget the Clinton scandal being compared to Pearl Harbor?”
Kathleen Sebelius, United States Secretary of Health and Human Services, has apologized, along with President Obama, about Healthcare.gov and its faulty system. “The fact that we actually confessed the problems seems to be overwhelming to the GOP, as they haven’t actually apologized for quite some time for anything, if ever.”
In other news, Liz Cheney wished to clarify that she had no opposition to her sister Mary. “It’s just that we have always had a sibling rivalry about her heathen lifestyle.”