EXCLUSIVE! INTERVIEW WITH BABY NEW YEAR!

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TS: Welcome! Today we have the special privilege of talking with Baby New Year!

NY: Yeah, how ya doin’.

TS: No offense of course, but I was expecting someone a little younger.

NY: And I was expecting to sleep in today – what are you gonna do?

TS: By the way, do you know Father Time?

NY: You’re lookin’ at him.

TS: You’re Baby New Year and Father Time?

NY: Yup. That’s how us mythical creatures roll. Cupid and the Easter Bunny? Same guy. Love it when he mixes up holidays. I can’t tell you how many eggs he’s fired at couples.

TS: Yes, well. So what can we expect for 2014?

NY: Same crap you had in 2013. But it will be in 2014.

TS: I detect a certain bitterness.

NY: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Look, I was optimistic when I rang in 2013, thinking, “it couldn’t be any stranger than 2012!” Boy, was I wrong.

TS: Care to elaborate?

NY: Well for instance, people in power and those who funded them did a laundry list of stupid things, and didn’t get their asses kicked. Celebrities did some truly weird things and actually increased their popularity! I was a baby at the beginning of the year, but this shit really aged me!

TS: So it is in your opinion that nothing will really change in 2014?

NY: Hey, ob-la-di, ob-la-da, ya know? I just don’t see anything changing. Until politicians get their heads out of their asses and people start being nicer to each other, you guys don’t have a fucking chance.

TS: But you have to admit it wasn’t all bad.

NY: No, some truly great things happened, and I guess there’s always bad with good. But this year? Sheesh. There should at least be a healthy balance!

TS: Any New Year’s Eve plans?

NY: The usual. “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”, hanging with Santa Claus and other mythical figures. And lots of alcohol.

TS: Well, thanks for your time. I guess we’ll see you next year!

NY: If it keeps up like this, I wouldn’t bet on it.

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By clavius42

The Death of the Inner Monologue

Recently, a company PR executive, Justine Sacco, was fired by her company over her tweet: “Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!”

Let’s examine this.  First, she had a terrible thought.  Then, she thought it was funny.  And since she thought it was so amusing, she decided to share it with everyone who was on Twitter.  And Twitter, being the private social network it is, her tweet suddenly exploded over the entire Internet.

Another occurrence happened earlier with Phil Robertson, the “patriarch” on A&E’s “reality show” “Duck Dynasty” – saying in a GQ interview that homosexuals were included with adulterers, idolaters, male prostitutes, drunkards, slanderers, swindlers and “the greedy” as ineligible to “inherit the kingdom of God.”

Yep.  He had something to say.  He thought it was something everyone should hear.  So he told an interviewer of a popular magazine.  And once again, people reacted by boycotting the show.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Free speech is a good thing.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  That’s a great freedom.  But just because you have something to say never exactly necessarily means it’s a good idea to say it out loud.

In a way, social networks and media have revealed that, in spite of all of the advancements in our society, there is still hate, intolerance, ignorance, misogyny, and just plain awfulness in people.  And a good portion of these people have a tool that enables them to override the perfectly rational need to keep it to theirselves.

Every day people post on Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and every other social network they can get their hands on, what they eat, where they’re going, what they’re thinking, and even their most personal information.

Is the inner monologue a thing of the past?  Do people no longer have the desire to maintain their privacy?

Is there such a thing as private thought anymore?

The great thing about social networks and media are that they are platforms where you can communicate your ideas to large groups of people.  The bad thing about social networks and media are that they are platforms where you can communicate your ideas to large groups of people.

Just because you have the means to do something, now more than ever, doesn’t mean that you should.       

By clavius42

Megyn Kelly: “All Holiday Characters Are White”

Megyn Kelly, Bret Baier

Fox News’ Megyn Kelly announced today on her new hit show, “The Kelly File”, that not only were Santa Claus and Jesus Christ white, but so was every holiday character in American tradition.

“I believe it is safe to say that from The Easter Bunny to Baby New Year, there have never been any non-Caucasian imaginary representatives of our holidays,” said Kelly.  “Some people prefer the chocolate Easter Bunny, though, but I don’t think that reflects on his ethnicity.  And Cupid would never create an interracial or homosexual match.  That I can easily confirm from something I read somewhere, which is also the basis for the topics of my show.”

Kelly went on to clarify that, even though Jesus Christ, who historians have concluded must have been of Arabic persuasion, as well as dark-skinned, is not an imaginary character and was a white man who looked exactly like Greg Allman.  “But I do also wish to clarify that Mr. Allman is not the son of God – as I explained in my last Fox News special report.”

Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, Cupid, Father Time, and Baby New Year were not available to comment, as they don’t freaking exist.

By clavius42