TS: Welcome! Today we have the special privilege of talking with Baby New Year!
NY: Yeah, how ya doin’.
TS: No offense of course, but I was expecting someone a little younger.
NY: And I was expecting to sleep in today – what are you gonna do?
TS: By the way, do you know Father Time?
NY: You’re lookin’ at him.
TS: You’re Baby New Year and Father Time?
NY: Yup. That’s how us mythical creatures roll. Cupid and the Easter Bunny? Same guy. Love it when he mixes up holidays. I can’t tell you how many eggs he’s fired at couples.
TS: Yes, well. So what can we expect for 2014?
NY: Same crap you had in 2013. But it will be in 2014.
TS: I detect a certain bitterness.
NY: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Look, I was optimistic when I rang in 2013, thinking, “it couldn’t be any stranger than 2012!” Boy, was I wrong.
TS: Care to elaborate?
NY: Well for instance, people in power and those who funded them did a laundry list of stupid things, and didn’t get their asses kicked. Celebrities did some truly weird things and actually increased their popularity! I was a baby at the beginning of the year, but this shit really aged me!
TS: So it is in your opinion that nothing will really change in 2014?
NY: Hey, ob-la-di, ob-la-da, ya know? I just don’t see anything changing. Until politicians get their heads out of their asses and people start being nicer to each other, you guys don’t have a fucking chance.
TS: But you have to admit it wasn’t all bad.
NY: No, some truly great things happened, and I guess there’s always bad with good. But this year? Sheesh. There should at least be a healthy balance!
TS: Any New Year’s Eve plans?
NY: The usual. “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”, hanging with Santa Claus and other mythical figures. And lots of alcohol.
TS: Well, thanks for your time. I guess we’ll see you next year!
NY: If it keeps up like this, I wouldn’t bet on it.