Mt. Gox, one of the world’s biggest bitcoin exchanges, filed for bankruptcy protection earlier today, after losing a half a billion dollars in virtual money due to hacking. But help may be on the way for bitcoin investors.
“We are discussing a joint project with Parker Brothers to use Monopoly money in order to recover from the losses,” said a bitcoin representative. “It’s a case of non-existent money in exchange for another type of non-existent money.”
The FCE, or Fictional Currency Exchange, is on board to regulate moneys should the plan go ahead. “We are working to avoid further abuse of internet-only currency. I don’t think anyone wants to repeat the Bejeweled Blitz Crash of ’11. A lot of people took a virtual bath on that one.”
“I think if we all pull together,” bitcoin owner Mark Karpeles said today in a news conference, “gullible online investors will not lose faith in bitcoin, nor any future fictional currency endeavors.”
In related news, bitcoin advises investors to be careful of other frauds, lest they go to Jail, do not pass Go, nor collect $200…
Happy B-Day to my Dad!
…oh great, we’re gonna have that conversation again…
There are a rapidly growing number of Conservative lawmakers who say they believe that some “old wives tales” are based on fact.
“There is no consensus or evidence suggesting mothers’ backs are being broken because their children are stepping on sidewalk cracks,” one Conservative said. “That is still conjecture at this point. But there is irrefutable evidence that storks bring babies, thereby negating women’s need for reproductive rights.”
Jerome Corsi, Ph.D (no, really) author of “The Great Oil Conspiracy”, “Obama’s a Gay Nazi”, and “Why Am I Not In a Straitjacket?”, is a fervent supporter of the “stork theory”. “Anyone who tells you that it’s not possible, is a Liberal, left wing, believer of climate change and the ‘world is round’ theory. In short, total nutcases.”
Many scientists have disproven most of the Conservatives’ “facts” and “evidence”. When asked about “the stork theory”, however, they could not give a straight answer, mostly due to the fact that they couldn’t stop laughing.
“It seems that every other week some Republican politician comes up with something that can be proven false by science, biology, or just plain common sense,” said one scientist.
“To suggest that we would ever use science, biology or common sense in our beliefs, is a mockery of what we stand for,” replied Corsi.
10. Be mine, for Obama’s Apocalypse is coming.
9. You’re my Keystone pipeline to love.
8. You put the Fox in Fox News!
7. Do your eyes get misty when you think of Chris Christie?
6. We’ll hold hands and get rid of the homeless!
5. Is that a filibuster in your pants or are you just glad to see me?
4. Roses are red, violets are blue, Obama is the Devil.
3. I want to be a caveman to your dinosaur.
2. Tell me that we’re happy, but don’t say you’re gay about it.
and the number one Republican National Committee Valentine’s Day E-Card…
1. Cupid’s arrow has im-Palined me!
WASHINGTON – Sunday’s widely anticipated televised game was ultimately a huge disappointment due to the fact that one of the players on the opposing team fumbled the ball several times during the show, thereby giving his rival the advantage. The athlete he was playing against was in top form, intercepting and carrying the ball for multiple touchdowns.
Many critics pointed out the possible reason for the failure. “Clearly the player thought that his team was sending him as their star player to win the game,” said one critic. “But once again, they underestimated the strength and behavior of their opponent, and clearly the guy was out of his league.”
“If he knew what he was doing, this could have easily been avoided. But as any good player will tell you, you need to know who you’re playing, and also know when to change your plan of action.”
Another argument was that the player in question resorted to some plays that had been already been tried time and time again, with no change in results.
“When the old plays aren’t working, it’s time to come up with something new. But sometimes people refuse to learn, even with actions that clearly didn’t work the first time.”
In other news, the Denver Broncos lost to the Seattle Seahawks 43 – 8…