Chris Christie Says He May Not Be The Wonderful Person He Thought He Was

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie looks on while giving his State of the State address in the assembly chamber in Trenton
NEW JERSEY – Today New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said that when he woke up this morning, he had a startling revelation.

“It was hard to imagine,” he told reporters, “but I just realized I may not be the wonderful, brilliant person I think I am.  My popularity has dwindled, and my party is seriously reconsidering my presidential bid.  I am pretty sure I have done everything right – like always – but for some inexplicable reason, I am dealing with a lingering doubt.”

Many critics of Christie have cited the recent erratic behavior of the governor as a reason for the drop in people’s confidence.  “If he can’t bribe or threaten someone, he doesn’t seem to be able to do his job,” said one critic.  “And his ego may just be the cause of climate change, particularly our recent harsh weather.  I guess I have an apology to make to Kanye West.”

Christie said that his New Jersey upbringing is partly the fault for people’s perception for him as a bully.  “I was raised to believe that if you can’t do something right, make other people do it and take the credit.  Oh, and guys, stop asking about the missing money for Hurricane Sandy victims, or you will find yourself on something worse than a closed bridge.”

In other news, Russian president Vladimir Putin says that people staying in Sochi for the Winter Olympics will appreciate their stay more if they are not concerned with their hotel rooms having roofs, electricity, or water…

By clavius42

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