Chris Christie Clears Himself of Bridge Scandal


NEW JERSEY – Earlier this week, New Jersey governor Chris Christie was very pleased to announce that, after a very detailed and thorough investigation by himself, he was not liable for the September shutdown of the George Washington Bridge.

“I was very meticulous with myself,” said Christie.  “I left no stone unturned, no possible clue undiscovered.  I would like to thank me on behalf of me for a job very well done.”

Chris Christie’s investigation pointed not to the governor, but instead to everyone else.

“If there are any guilty parties to be accused, the findings clearly put the blame on anyone who is not me,” said Christie.

When asked about the missing Hurricane Sandy funds, Christie put any fears to rest.  “I am now looking into that as well for myself, and I am confident that I will be clearing myself of any wrongdoing.”

In related news, Russian president Vladimir Putin denies putting any Russian soldiers in Crimea, based on information obtained by Putin…

By clavius42

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