GOP Enlists Frank Luntz, Introduces Entirely New Language


WASHINGTON – Frank Luntz, American political consultant, pollster, Republican Party strategist, and bullshit artist, has been hired by the GOP to compose a completely different way to express their views.

“After Luntz’s work with Cliven Bundy, particularly his alteration of Bundy being a racist but instead being merely ‘race selective’,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell, “I and members of my party knew he was our man.”

“It’s a complicated process,” says Luntz.  “‘Global warming’ becomes ‘climate change’, ‘healthcare reform’ becomes ‘government takeover’, and ‘brain damage’ becomes ‘death to Hillary’s 2016 campaign’.”

“It’s not a question of ‘spin’.  It’s really about trying to fool people into thinking you’re not really talking about what they really know you’re talking about.”

Luntz is working with various campaign managers to develop a language that works for each possible candidate.  For instance, Marco Rubio, known for denial of immigration and global warming, has been renamed as a “Non-Hispanic and Earth destruction sympathizer”.

“It’s all in the language,” explains Luntz.  “You use positive words like ‘sympathize’ and ‘American’ to negate the severity of the actual situation, and when you want to put a bad connotation on something in order to sway people’s votes, you use negative words like ‘dictatorship’ and ‘Benghazi’.”

Many critics say that what the Republican party really needs to do in order to save face for the 2016 election is to reconsider the misuse of harmful language and making accusations that are unfounded.

“But then I would be out of a job,” added Luntz.          

By clavius42

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