Kim and Kanye Wedding Still Having No Effect on World Events


Many news sources are saying that even after a few days since celeb-for being-celeb Kim Kardashian and Kanye West – whose massive ego has been reported to be one cause of global warming – the union has not had any recognizable effect on current world events.

“Kimye – that’s what we’re calling it, ’cause it’s awesome,” said a reporter from TMZ, “should be the biggest news since Justin Bieber was discovered leaving that brothel, but apparently people are becoming instead more and more focused on things like the Indian election, Putin’s invasion of the Ukraine, the undeniable proof of climate change, and the possible ramifications should Republicans take over Congress.  You know, nothing that really matters.”

Representatives for the new couple are also blaming the recent elevator footage of Solange Knowles attacking Jay-Z as a diversion for what they say is truly the most important story of the world.

“We are very disappointed in social media for giving this event short shrift amidst all of the other things going on in the world,” said one rep, “but we are confident that all deserved attention will return when the news of the divorce breaks, which should be any week now.”

In related news, the baby daughter of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian is already planning to write a tell-all expose, which will be published next month. Amazon is already taking orders for “North”, by North West. 

In un-related news, CNN is sponsoring new seminars on the east and west coasts to teach up-and-coming reporters and anchors how to stretch out for twenty four hours news that would normally only take under an hour to report.

By clavius42

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