Study Shows Substantial Rise in 2014 of Heartless Bastards


A recent independent study conducted independently in Independence, Missouri indicates that there has been a unsettlingly substantial rise in people saying and doing things that most people consider “heartless and vulgar”.

A much recent example details the message sent to parents of Sandy Hook victims by Samuel “Joe the Blunder” Wurzelbacher, saying that their dead children didn’t trump his Constitutional rights.

“That’s freakin’ cold,” said Mikael Miller, head of the study.  “Basically, this guy favors his guns over children’s lives.  Someone should check and re-confirm that he still qualifies as a human being.”

The study suggests that a sudden rash of racist, homophobic and misogynistic comments made by people in the media spotlight – including politicians, ranchers, and one particularly batshit basketball team owner – are the reason for the rise in heartless bastards.

“The inner monologue seems to be a thing of the past, and respect seems to be a not too distant second,” said Miller.

Another related study is also showing that common sense is at an all-time low, after discovering that hypocrisy is reaching an all-time high.

“Politicians are suddenly vehemently protesting ideas that they originally came up with, and also measures that they were personally involved with, and blaming all of it on the opposing party.  That’s just messed up.”

Also detailed in the study are an alarmingly large assortment of people and organizations who have been discovered to have absolutely no knowledge of the reproductive processes of women, particularly groups composed mostly of “old farts”.

“If nothing changes,” said Miller, “2013 and now 2014 will go down as the inevitable downfall of the human race.  But at least people will have their guns as they watch the world die…”

In somewhat related news, people are still worshipping every move and comment made by celebrities, despite having lives of their own, and just plain common sense.

By clavius42

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