People Amazed That Conservatives Ever Had Relationships With Women


A recent poll suggests that an overwhelming number of Americans are baffled that conservative men ever had any contact with or physical relationships with women, including circumstances involving associations with women caused by birth.  “Several of these people are also coming to the conclusion that the wives of these people are under some sort of mass delusion,” said a poll taker.

The poll was instigated after Washington Post columnist and snappy dresser George Will recently wrote in a weekend editorial that he believes liberals, feminists and other nefarious forces have conspired to turn being a rape survivor into a “coveted status that confers privileges.”  “Like any good insurance plan, the benefits are enticing, such as trauma, guilt by men, and of course, healthy bouts of stress,” wrote Will.

Former representative Todd Akin still defends his stance on “legitimate rape” saying that “we must look out for women because clearly they do not realize what a blessing sexual assault is to them.”

State Rep. Jim Buchy (R-OH) says that he maintains women have their own reasons for thinking that their reproductive processes are their own.  “What they are, I don’t know.  I’m not a woman, and clearly my comments indicate that I have never actually had relations with one.”

The poll also asked that women who have supported the views of their conservative husbands to check and see that they are really women.

“You may have the parts,” wrote one person, “but clearly there is something missing.”

Janis Lane, President of the Central Mississippi Tea Party, believes that women are too “mean, hateful” and “diabolical” to vote, also.  “The women I have known are unfair and malicious in their intentions,” said Lane.  ” If I was a woman I would be ashamed of myself!”

“Basically it boils down to men who don’t understand women’s reproductive systems, fears of being violently raped, or insisting that they be given the same rights as men,” wrote one journalist.

“I put myself in their shoes,” said Will.  “If I was ever sexually assaulted, I would take advantage of the great opportunities given to me by being blamed for being a victim, traumatized by the act, and men taking criminal action against me for accusing my assailant. Women who have never had this precious gift bestowed upon them really don’t know what they’re missing.”

Another related poll indicated that people overall agree wholeheartedly that conservative men, particularly politicians, are not “getting any”…

By clavius42

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