Today Texas Governor and Hair Club for Men member Rick Perry, and Donald “Hell Toupee” Trump, said that they are both considering a bid for the 2016 election as the next president of the United States.
“I’m not saying anything officially,” said Perry. “In fact, my advisers have told me to not say anything at all – about anything – but it is my goal to learn from the mistakes of my first run. Which should keep me busy until 2016.”
“This business with Rahm Emanuel got me thinking that I still have the chops for the presidency,” said Trump. “I am the most powerful man I know, and I wholeheartedly recommend myself. I am the right choice. Just ask me.”
Upon hearing both announcements, many people are doing what they can to stifle uncontrollable fits of laughter.
“Well, comedians must be wetting themselves,” said one person. “That’s all that’s positive about this news.”
Fox News will be hosting a Perry/Trump pre-debate next week, to ready the two possible contenders.
“This is the best waste of time we could ever possibly hope for,” said president Roger Ailes. “And hopefully it will turn away people’s attention to the lost cause that Benghazi has turned out to be.”
In related news, former defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld finally weighed in on the Iraq crisis. “One thing Obama should learn is that you go with the excuse for war you brought with you, and you make sure the oil is safe. The rest is just fodder.”