WASHINGTON – Since Obama announced new EPA regulations that would cut back on the carbon dioxide produced by coal-fired power plants, members of the GOP have threatened to withhold funding for the EPA, which would in turn create a government shutdown.
“Actually, we don’t need a reason anymore,” says House Speaker John Boehner. “Now we just do it for the hell of it.”
“When Obama starts getting results – in any department – ” says Sen. Mitch McConnell, “well, we can’t have that. So a threat to shut down the government is a good way to tell the President that we mean business, and also just to point out how big of a dick we can be.”
If global warming was real, some members of the GOP feel that it would have affected the wealthy by now.
“Until that happens,” says Boehner, “my party and I fail to see the emergency. When that day comes, you can bet we’ll come up with some way to save the planet. But none us see that happening i.e. none of us really care.”
Boehner also went on to say that he will be suing President Obama over his alleged abuse of executive power. “Clearly this president doesn’t know what executive power is supposed to do. He has this distorted idea that it should benefit Americans in any way possible. We in the Republican Party recognize the true purpose of that kind of power, to get what we want. Which brings us back to the government shutdown. Which should be really fun this time.”
Sen. Ted Cruz, of the great state of Calgary, is borderline ecstatic at the idea of another shutdown. “I spent the whole day on the floor of the Senate jumping up and down, and raising my hand, saying lemme do it! Lemme do it! Membership does have its privileges. Fingers crossed!”
A national poll suggests that if there is another government shutdown, the American people are suggesting an action of their own to “desenatize” the Capitol building…