Hello. I’m Ann Coulter. You may have seen me in your nightmares. I’m the creepy blonde who chases liberal dreamers around.
Anyway, there has been kind of an uproar this week due to some things I have said about soccer. I believe that no true American should appreciate soccer, as it is as un-American as Obama, global warming, and of course, gluten.
It’s true that since we are in the midst of the World Cup – a revered (at least in Europe) competition where a bunch of guys kick around balls and hope to score – my timing may not be the best for these comments. But honestly, when has there ever been a good time to hear what I’m saying?
If I cared about timing, tact, or even morals, I wouldn’t be the social media force that I am today. I also blame the poor idiots who actually listen and read my thoughts. Some people call them “sheep” – I just call them “fans”.
I would like to apologize for anything that has offended the legions of soccer fans in America (before they are deported if I have anything to with it), but if you know me – and who really doesn’t? – you know that I, in all sincerity, won’t.
I would also like to put in my two cents about Iraq. If Obama had the balls, Iraq would be a smoldering pile of ashes safely away from any oil derricks. He had no trouble bombing Egypt – why should he stop now? Maybe it’s a Kenyan thing.
Also, to all of my critics who think I’m a worthless waste of oxygen and space, a shrewish bitch who just wants to stay in the limelight while blasting anything and everyone I have a problem with, I just have this to say:
Thanks for your time.
Actually, I don’t give a good goddamn what you think.