WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court just ruled today that closely held companies like Hobby Lobby cannot be required to pay to cover some types of contraceptives for their employees. “This probably doesn’t bode well for women,” said Justice Antonin Scalia about the ruling. “But since when have I ever cared for them?”
An independent study done independently in Independence, Missouri suggests that while the Supreme Court was once a widely revered representation of the law of the land, it is fast becoming more useless than today’s Congress.
“Our studies show that a majority of the justices are making decisions not based on fact or even the will of the people, but on the basis of their political and religious beliefs. This is a far cry from what their job is supposed to be,” said the head of the study, Morton Fine.
Many argue that there is a way that justices can be impeached, but through the Republican party’s House of Representatives.
“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen,” said Fine.
Justice Scalia said that “this will be a decisive blow in favor of small job institutions and more importantly, ones who fund the Republican Party”. “But to say that I am biased in any way, well, I let my actions speak for themselves. Which means that I’m not biased, by the way.”
The Supreme Court may be becoming less relevant than Congress, but not by much, say critics. “Congress does one stupid damn thing after another every other week it seems,” said one critic, “or they don’t do anything at all. The majority of the Supreme Court just ignores people.”
House Speaker John Boehner disagrees with the study, saying that “it will take a lot more from the Supreme Court to be more useless than Congress”.
“We are in fear of losing our reputation,” said Boehner. “We can’t let a little thing like the Supreme Court of the United States nudge us out of the spotlight.”
The study also shows that the highest court in the land may just be due for a name change. Possible leading contenders include “The So-So Court”, “The Far from Supreme Court”, and “The Do-Nothing Court”.
“We already have a Do Nothing Congress, though,” said Fine.